Thank you notes…

FEMME POSTER

Jimmy Fallon does this on his show so I got the idea and decided to do my own version. Short ‘thank you notes’ in my best style. Here goes:

Thank you…

To those public mini bus drivers for stuffing four oversized adults into a seat intended for two slim adults and a small child. We love the intimacy of rubbing up with each other and exchanging bodily fluids fully clothed. Not to mention the array of odours, a combination of sweat, smelly hair and fried plantain. I whip my fan out like a lethal weapon to keep what little air space I have ‘fresh’! Plus they charge you full price to travel in sardine style!

Thank you…

To my bank that changes its opening hours every week leading me to think that they only open when they have available cash in the dispensing machines. I also thank them for refusing to speak English on an island that is bi-lingual and I think they do this to make sure I never understand how much money I have in my account, so that I will go over my overdraft and incur humongous bank charges. Using their cash dispensers is worse as it is all in French and I keep pressing the buttons that I think will give me money as if I am in some quiz game with no other contestants! Customer service indeed.

 Thank you…

To the helpful girls in my local boulangerie. Even though the baguettes are so overpriced and the tables are swarming with nasty little pigeons, they always make me feel welcome despite my crap French. Even when I try to speak and hold up the queue because I cannot remember how to say ‘hot sauce’ and they calmly remind me that they listen to Beyonce so they know what ‘hot sauce’ is. Suggesting too, that I should always keep some in my bag…like Beyonce presumably. Lovely Mademoiselles.

 

 

 

 

 

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