Swimming Costume Treaty

Living in St Martin is not a place for tacky looking swimming costumes..even if you have middle age flab or some other body issue. Ensure that you sheath up in a nice number and all will be well. Whatever body challenges you have… you cannot bye-pass the unofficial island swim wear code. Please refrain from wearing any stretched up, sagging boob top, Hawaiian pineapple or gaudy print swimming costume on the pristine aquamarine beaches. For that will simply be bad manners and a complete eye-sore to the sun-worshipping holiday makers.
Do not mess with the swim wear code.

French ladies, overweight or ‘mature’ they don’t lapse… besides it is rare to see them overweight. All those expensive couture clothes they wear … well you can’t be bulging out of your Fendi or your Dior now… that would not be classy. They eat small portions and drink lots of bottled water. They converse a lot too…intense, extended conversations that unfortunately because I am illiterate in French cannot understand. I swear they must be giving the best juicy gossip around… and ‘ungifted me’ in the language department.. is missing out big time! It makes me so depressed because I am sure if my text books taught French incorporating ‘hot topics’ and ‘scandals’ …I would excel at it!

The island is ‘divided’ in that colonial way (Holland and France) – i.e. both countries ‘gifting’ themselves an island that doesn’t belong to them in the first place, ordering the indigenous people around (luckily not killing, or enslaving them as they have done in the past), and reaping the benefits of it. Two different governments but the swimming costume etiquette is applicable on either side of their dirt border, I can assure you of that. Which reminds me, given the times we’re in, they should make their dirt border a national treasure thereby sending a message to the US about the stupidity of a wall. Bottom line is … Sint Maarten/Saint Martin people are generally well behaved with good manners and lovely swim wear.

So remember this. If you don’t have a nice one…ie a swimming costuume…then find a way to fix that. I mean given that it is mainly sea and sand, you can understand why being well kitted out in your beachwear is a big deal. Besides there are many out there to suit any fancy…so be a sport and rise to the occasion!