Just thinking…




One might say, from what I post, that there is a lack of spirituality, religious confirmation, grounded beliefs. I never say anything profound, or infuse my stories with bible quotes…. But I am trusting that in time, as I continue along, as long as I am open what is to be revealed to me will be revealed. I don’t need to know everything about life…If I did the world would surely keel over and die from having to listen to me and my great orations about this and that…Speaking of being ‘open’…this clown, I found hanging in a dusty room. I put him out to sun. But not before, debating if I should dump him as he might be some grotesque effigy of evil…I tell you, sometimes I feel my brain has no option but to shut down – tired as it is, from dealing with my 101 wayward thoughts whilst I patiently await my upgraded and sophisticated thoughts impending arrival…they are coming, I hope..πŸ˜–


Annual ‘lip service’ day known grandly as ‘Emancipation Day’…

            ….Reparation is about confronting and dismantling the illegal acts of established and corrupt thinking around questions of ‘statehood’. In fact, it is the very notion of statehood, that perpetuated this crime, ‘legalized’ it and gained from it. Legally, they argued at the time, (and still do today), destroying lives, wiping out generations, (think genocide of the Indians) and deeming it fit to ‘protect and serve’ an idea of citizenship and humanity that was Euro-centric, ie false scientific knowledge from which the word ‘race’ and the destructive racist ideology surrounding it came. Why are so many black people I know personally, professionally,  so unclear about this? Is the state still not acting in illegal ways? 

(Posters courtesy of the Internet)

It’s official. Emancipation Day is like Christmas Day. A once-a-year journey into make-believe and all is well. One is the made-up date of the ‘birth of Christ’ the other is the end of ‘slavery’ (enslavement is the preferred word but many still automatically say slavery….conditioning I guess…and there is a difference in case you are wondering)…

Let me begin, with what many may see as disrespectful, my post on the plethora of ‘lip service’ blacks of all ilks out there that partake in the black-events calendars that now have pride of place in our so called assimilated and ‘multi-cultural/multi-ethnic societies’, that have gifted their ‘minorities’ a little ‘cultural space’ to acknowledge their marginal presence in white dominated (racist) societies.  I would also like to acknowledge the same for the ‘lip service’ brigades festering out there in post colonial, post enslavement small societies, like the Caribbean.  Annually, they acknowledge being black, African and  ‘aware’ that the very countries and/or islands they live in, that their ancestors, their bloodlines, came to those very shores chained and beaten. Good for them but isn’t there something fundamentally wrong with this picture?

I looked at the film…..The Birth of a Nation, by chance, again, last night. Because the diet of films that we traverse is about all kinds of western-centred angst, films like this have to be looked at…over and over..and taken apart and critiqued and examined… for a decade or so…until another one comes along and we go again. Diluting, questioning, probing, second-guessing, intellectualising and worse of all accepting this method…ie like voyeurs to gaze historically at something so macabre and bury it back into our scared subconcsiousness until the next film, documentary, whatever brings it up for us to chat about, get caught up in, usually for the length of the film and then forget it and move on. Some people might feel incensed to post a picture or meme about black/African affirmation and then move on.  I posted about Reparations on my blog, knowing full well that my ‘unpopular’ taste on topics, means no one will read it. So when I write about what I want to write, and not what ‘masses’ of sheep and goats out there want to read, then my chance of being ‘read’ are virtually non-existent.  Welcome to my world.

So I wonder why me, an Indian with a brown face, could have so much passion and belief in the question of Reparation of the illegal and dehumanised system of African enslavement and all..ALL of the black folks I know personally could at best manage a little lip service?? So African Enslavement is pre-history. Like Greek mythology. Pulled out, gazed at every so often and put back in the drawer..to be forgotten. Until that time again, when a ‘right-minded’ thinking, sometimes a white influential person or persons DECIDES it is a topic to be aired…again, we turn up and oooou and ahhhh…Why?? I am beginning to realize that true EMANCIPATION is perhaps the hardest thing for most human beings, no less for black people, who really, at this stage in human history, development, whatever the jazzy term is….NEED to master it. 

Why doesn’t any black person I know demonstrate passion, belief, commitment, interest in Reparation…but will go on about Black History month, eating green, finding God, ‘discovering one’s stolen African heritage’…and whimper along when the word, the idea, the possibility, the need, the supposedly complicated, difficult, minefield-ridden ….question of Reparation is mentioned?

Then I say wait. Hold up. Africans, whites, and in between …all, have signed up, accepted, unquestioningly received the ‘righting’ of Jewish atrocities. We all have! Too right. We can talk about it with ease. It is not a ‘socially unacceptable’ topic, to be aired only when a film is out, or some overt act of European nazism is shown or talked about or reported on…incessantly. YET….when naked anti black racist behaviour is exposed, it is only then we open our eyes, from our wasteful sleepiness….and then when it is over, we put back on our African Enslavement History ‘snooze button’ and wait for the next buzz. 

So I am asking myself….again….Why do I as an Indian (aware as I am of some African, blood in my DNA, hidden, but there) can feel this way, and I have never, ever encountered a black person, as a friend or even acquaintance…who feels this imbalance, this unresolved question, this unjust, damaging, in denial masterful deceit, trailing back from centuries, accommodated in our modern day hypocrisies like a grotesque lie? How come…my African heritage sistren and brethren? Is there something in the water I am drinking? Did it not happen? Did it not go on for hundreds of years, with no recourse? Is ‘lip service’ and an African head-tie all you can muster?  How come you don’t mention it, except occasionally yet you post and post and post and talk about health, wealth, being saved, living incredibly healthy and expanding your intellectual capacity through reading.

Why me as an Indian? Why Manville, as a half-white, believes? As he churns out his pleas for the Supreme Court, each time, turning him away, as we soldier on with research and putting together material, for a black ‘reporter’, to ask him, not what are you doing, but instead ask the monumentally stupidest, disrespectful question of all …’why do you go on about Reparation? “Why do you breathe”? He retorted. 

So I ask again, why have I not one single black friend (or foe, for that matter), who feels this historical imbalance, even some who live it, or are aware of many who are trapped in it, and still never feel the deep under-tow of this massive lie, this spectacular deceit of white establishment denial, of Reparation’s?  Why not even a willingness to wrestle with the complexity of it….yet preferring instead to topicalise, be pro-active, act ‘passionately’ about safer topics?  None of that makes the troubling question of Reparation go away. And it won’t. As someone said…or was it a dream…the world remains unbalanced if a crime goes unpunished…Enslavement, African Enslavement was a crime. A hideous, unforgettable, dehumanising crime that went on for hundreds of years. Spirits out there are waiting for their little share of justice. All descendants of enslavement need to be shown that their heritage and contributions to the first world nations is legitimate. That their lives, past and present have mattered. 

Ordinary white folks will never be able to make that extraordinarily brave leap into intellectual interrogation to question the very mythology of their own societies. Reparations is not about convincing them of that which they will not see, or accept, let alone embrace.  Reparation is a long delayed confrontation with a sustained set of STATE ideas that embodied deceit, hypocrisy, institutional criminal acts against a particular group of people for no other reason than the texture of their hair and the colour of their skin.  The real essence of it as a set of ideas, represents a break, a decisive cutting off of the inhumanity suffered, and which continues today. It is not just money or compensation.. And all kinds of contemporary adjustments and flare-up’s in the form of ‘civil rights’ and protest movements will never quench or reach down to the deepest, darkest, annals of the core underpinnings. The dirty, decayed birth seeds of the depraved pillars upon which, our racist contemporary societies of today exist. 

Reparation is not a diluted, watered-down, reducible ignorant infested debate about who pays whom, and who gets what, financial compensation is the ONLY WAY that many whites and blacks, ie lost blacks….(like what we have in the Caribbean intellectual field), have seen fit to sabotage and damage and dismiss the question of Reparation. Or those who say before African, the whites who were slaves. Or Africans sold out each other! Those same whites would echo more depraved statements about blacks today! Showing concretely the long, history of inherited racist thinking that still, however subtle and not-so-subtle, many whites believe and will not change. Reparation is not about engaging with them. Reparations is not against white people.  Who says that?!? 

Why too are so many NON-AFRICAN conscious activists, humanists, out there who also REFUSE to see this as a broadly humane question, and instead OPTING to stick to their particular ‘ethnic’ preoccupations? Will accepting and acknowledging the brutality of  African enslavement make the ugliness of Indian indentureship for example seem like a walk in the park, is that even a rational argument? Why not see it like this: because they got away then with African enslavement, the brutality of it, they developed a new way of carrying on the game of white supremacy. They re-enacted a diluted but dirty repetition of the brutality of enslavement which they were able to ‘manage’ better under ‘indenture ship’ because they had the experience of the preceding Africans before, on which to moderate and temper their bigoted thinking? Think about Reparation as a humanity issue not as ethnic by-standers that wants to enter into a debate about ‘my enslavement -v- your enslavement’….gross stupidity. 

Two historical dehumanising acts are too much for the world to accept and too dangerous to pretend that they ‘don’t matter’. 

The native north American Indians and the descendants of Africans cannot keep apologising and accepting ….”it’s in the past.” Being ashamed, coward, uncomfortable about something as horrifying and deceitful as genocide and enslavement is like giving up. The Jews did not do that. Their humanity is no greater than anyone else’s. They believed they should get justice and reparations and they did and they were right. They showed the world their pain. Their tragedy was our tragedy, as it should be. What is going on with the Middle East today, has nothing to do with the righting of the human depravity they suffered in Europe back then. 

Until blacks en masse could reach up to the standard of human decency defined by themselves, for themselves, for the historical inaccuracies and the unwillingness of white, racist thinking societies, via their state machinery to acknowledge and correct the way they have institutionalized practices towards the African presence in their midst, back in the history books up until now. Reparation’s main objective is to correct once and for all, this imbalance, this legacy of brutality that haunts us to this day. 

Why is such an objective something all the blacks and browns and one-between, but mainly the blacks….so at odds with this? Why only your annual ‘lip service’? Is your humanity less than that of a white, brown, or whatever colour we can come up with? 

It seems, given this stasis, this ‘fear’ this denial by so many..that Reparations is indeed dire.  I am here to say it will not go away and it will come to pass. It is the most pressing issue facing 21st century former slaving nations. Many will find this hard to accept or believe, but it is a fact.  So if you need a reason to celebrate, to overcome..walk the walk, not once a year, but everyday. We owe it to our forefathers and for those generations to come to demand reparations for that which was stolen, denied, and dehumanized in the most abhorrent and vile way. Stand on principle whatever your ‘race’ and believe.

Something old….something new…etcπŸ€”

People like too many new things. New husbands, new shoes, new gadgets, new life! What’s wrong with ‘old’, ‘recycled’, ”vintage’ even ‘antique’?!? 

I have news for you ‘newbies’…everything that you think is ‘new’ is a take on something that came before. Whether you think you are getting a better model, an improvement, better technology…that ‘new’ thing or person, will last for five minutes, until the next ‘new-new’ one comes along. Even your ‘new’ husband is a version of the ‘standard man’ cookie cutter that society has been fooling us with from the days of the Stone Age. All those out there who are married, co-habiting, or in common-law set-ups…..they all have inner ‘Fred Flinstone’ spirits. And the trouble with that is that Fred remained in Stone Age sensibilities, with modern day clothes and trappings. We have petrol and rubber tyres so your ‘Fred’ he does not have to use his bare feet to make the stone wheels turn…but he is still ‘Fred’ with an Audi!πŸ™„πŸ˜–
The trouble with all of this is that Fred’s ‘Wilma’ didn’t remain in the Stone-Age mindset. ‘Stone-age Wilma’ does not exist anymore. She has evolved!😳 So in hindsight the only really ‘new, new’ thing we need, desperately in this world of make-believe new is truly new men. He must have absolutely no DNA connection to Fred Flinstone. None. Nada. 
If Wilma managed to break free of the constricting ‘Stone-Age era’, why didn’t Fred? I should know! I deal with a ‘Fred Flinstone’ look-a-like every day…in mind, body and soul!😱 I am no Wilma of the ‘stone-age’ so you can imagine the drama! It is just like a cartoon life, with the ‘kapows’ …..shrieks….looks of horror….flying debris ……as any normal cartoon is!πŸ˜–
I am glad I have no ‘Pebbles’ ….a stone-age crisis is what I call this!πŸ™ˆ

Just like a toddler…

I have come to the conclusion that my challenges with being on the internet can be likened to that of a toddler having a confusing moment. Meaning I am just over 3 years old as a social media user, and this new experience has been challenging, hence the odd meltdown or two. Nobody’s perfect.

The thing is, regarding the internet, it never interested me before except for little escapades like when I joined a dating website about 10 years ago. I don’t know if I was desperate or stupid, but I was certainly clueless. Anyway,  if it was desperation that made me do it….I soon became un-desperate when I saw the calibre of men popping up on my account. Within a few weeks  of seeing these horrible potential  ‘love interests’ I bolted from that website, taking all my personal details with me… at least I hope so. For all I know my details including the favourable waist/hip ratio I had at the time, which I was happy to brag about, are waiting to come back and bite me in the ass, as I claw my way to Bloggess stardom. Everyone has dirty laundry right?!  Anyway I’ll deal with that circus if and when it happens! Recently, my friend tried to inveigle me to take up another dating website offer. One of those first 3-months free subscription offers to find your ideal mate. I can’t remember which one it was – I think it was Match.com. Thankfully I did not pursue it.  Other than  the dating game, I had very little interest in the internet. And so having an email account was my idea of being connected.    

I am  having another dalliance. Thankfully it has nothing to do with finding a husband. I kid you not! I am simply following the fashion of blogging because I have been told that I should try it. I have been writing and jotting things down since I was a girl and so I thought, why not? I have enough written thoughts to fill a graffiti wall as long as the wall of China…or maybe my musings, might find a home on Trump’s wall if he is pursuing it still. It might stop people from jumping the wall when they could have a good read of someone who is clearly a demented loser, comforting them somewhat….ie that there are always folks worse off than you. So with that in mind, ie me putting it all out there…I asked myself apart from my pride, what have I got to lose? In fact, blogging is not as bad as being on a dating website, but it is kinda desperate, I think, as most dating websites are, even the ‘Godly’ Christian Mingle. I speak from my experience and I know that many folks are not at my level of desperation, whether they have been on dating websites, or blogging! So please don’t get your knickers in a twist and take my writings personally. I come bearing words, not arms. 😳

So I am getting ready to celebrate my 3rd year on the internet …..terrific 3’s, via my Face Book account. An account which I hardly use, but who cares? My blog started in July 2016, but it did not ‘come out’ until March 2017. I was a closet blogger for a while. So whether I stay ‘public’ or not, I will be having my 1st birthday blogging/blagging party in March 2018, with at least 5 followers coming to celebrate with me. I have a few months to jazz up the numbers so I’m going to dream big and hope by then I have at least 50 followers….I’m going for gold! I predict that more and more  ‘border walls’ will spring up as racism and xenophobia thrives. My musings could find a home, so to speak. Blagging, oh sorry….I meant to say Blogging, is already colonised by the whites…like how they’ve colonised weed production, yoga, white people adrenalin-seeking type, so I say, let them bring the walls, I’ll produce the graffiti. Your walls, my musing so!


I had a dream…😴

As I got up this morning…it came back to me. It was so real, I thought I was in Washington ..in my new home…

(Oh…the photo is courtesy my phone..they came with the phone….bonus for all the money you spend I guess.)

I dreamt Barack and I were pals, real liming pals… him asking me about this and that. Like he knew I was smarter than him.😳 Such was his faith in me, he even made me mentor to his special love…Malia…because he said to me, she was a little ‘off track’.😬 His words, not mine. So I made her do hot yoga and forced her to come to terms with head-stands telling her it would work miracles for hair growth and brain cells at the same time! She knew I was lying but she had no choice!😬 I lectured her every chance I got invading her head space with my five-cents ‘wisdoms’!😡 In the dream, she always looked at me with fright in her eyes, but I ignored that. I was hired to make her life uncomfortable…meaning there was not a scam she could pull on me!πŸ˜‰ My experience with my many nieces and nephews and their errant ways, made me scam-resistant…Her Dad, my friend Barack, appreciated that quality I had too…so he gave me full reign!πŸ˜€ Michelle and the ever-growing saucy Sasha were nowhere in the picture but in the dream I heard her saying to her hubby that he made a good call in choosing ‘smart me’ as his adviser/consort because as a fellow Capricorn, she knew I was really clever!😳 There I was in my dreams endorsed by the Obama’s and having the career of my life!  Life-coach and psychological well-being tutor/dictator to their beloved daughter. Then I woke up and my first thought was…sigh..my dream…their nightmare?😱😴

On being a maid…

Folks my days are long, arduous, sometimes hot, tiring, crammed…never enough time or is it a case of mis-timing. I clean, I cook, I wash, I clean, I cook, I wash. Sometimes I feel like I should be hissing too…like a pressure cooker about to ‘buss-through’!πŸ˜– I’m like a walking, talking combination of a washing machine and dishwasher with a microwave as my accessory. And it’s not like I have children, or animals or even dolls to take care of!πŸ˜‚Housework is crazy hectic! Give me the deadline driven mayhem of corporate office anytime. It is easier being an office ‘go-fetch’ than a domestic donkey!πŸ˜– Yuch…I know that sounds ungrateful and ain’t nothing wrong with ‘work’…but it needs ‘modernising’.

Governments have already borrowed terms like ‘Home Office’, ‘Homeland Security’, ‘Home Affairs’. Well it’s time to make it official! Government regulations in the domestic sphere is a must. There is exploitation, no-pay, sexual harassment, 😬 unpaid leave, no sick pay and generally unfair procedures in the home space!πŸ™ŠπŸ˜° Who is regulating for the domestic go-offers?!?😫

I wish!😳 I used to look forward to Christmas office parties. Once a year you got wine and chocolates and time-off to go ‘fake’ Christmas shopping, as well as lots of long lunches, from your ungrateful bosses. How I miss that.πŸ™‡πŸ½ At home, all one has is unpaid work, and no hope whatsoever of promotion. Not even a ‘side move’ where you change departments, but remain on the same pay scale. At home, your only option is either like it or lump it! Marriage, concubine, common law is like being some ‘forever Girl Guide’ living out some fantasy of doing good. Good for whom and for what?! So instead of the sleazy Christmas parties at work, I now am left with partying with the other-half….over Skype!😳 And even though he may be in another country, I still have to negotiate the Christmas decor theme…wary as he is of my ‘bad taste’…and if I’m lucky I get the green light to buy one more string of fairy lights to drape on the aged and out-of-fashion Chritmas tree that we keep up all year long in the kitchen, tucked in a corner, next to the potatoes and onion storage that always leaks and leaves nasty stains, that I have to end up cleaning, because I happen to be living with a potato and onion junkie!πŸ˜– I know. Mind you he is also a marshmallow-head….so I get to forage on lots of those!😍 

Domestic bliss is very close to domestic hiss……ssss. I wish men, all men, were mandated to do 1 year of cooking, cleaning, washing, dusting, mopping, ironing, washing dishes, making tea, minding children, folding fitted sheets, cleaning refrigerators…as well as work their full-time hustle. The disorganised little diva rats will have to get with the programme and hit the floor running. But no.We don’t demand that of them. In fact we praise and hail them as trophy mates when they keep on the straight and narrow. Like it’s a miracle they haven’t succumbed to some other lady’s or let’s be real…other ladies…secret gardens and their hot-house flowers!!!πŸ˜±πŸ™€πŸŒΉπŸŒΊπŸŒΈπŸŒ» We women expect to so little and indeed we get the little we ask for. 

But it ain’t over till the fat lady sings. And this not-so-fat lady is ready to let it out! Men are indeed from Mars and women are from hot yoga and other stringent weight watching classes, not Venus. I personally find it a nonsense that so many men are dancing with stupidity and refusing to haul their lazy, indulged asses into the 21st century. But hey, if they are indeed from Mars, let’s send them back, repatriate them and reclaim the sisterhood. When we’ve re-established the new rules of engagement, we send for them to come back and be what they were always meant to be…our lady-boys😭…not in the Thai way, folks, not those lady-boys.πŸ€“πŸ™„ Sacre bleu! 

Disclaimer: I like boys. I am from this planet. And I lie when I need to make ‘friends’ on the Internet.